Romance or Ripoff? How Scammers Target Older Adults on Facebook (and other Dating Apps)

These days, more and more older adults are using Facebook, dating websites, and even online games to meet new people. It’s a great way to stay social, find friendship, or maybe even a little romance.

But while most people are kind and honest, some are not.

Sadly, scammers often pretend to be looking for love—but they’re really after your money. These scammers take their time. They build a friendship or romance that feels real. Then, once they have your trust, they make up an emergency and ask you to send them money.

Let’s talk about how these scams work, how to spot the red flags, and how to protect your heart—and your wallet.

How “Romance Scams” Usually Happen

There’s a particular name for the type of scams, where the scammer finds you on a dating app, called a “Romance Scam.” Most of these scams follow the same pattern:

1. It starts with a message

You might get a friend request on Facebook or a message on a dating site. Sometimes it’s even someone chatting during an online game.

They seem nice. They’re friendly, kind, and interested in getting to know you. Maybe they say they have a shared connection, or are from the same city.

2. They start talking to you often

You chat back and forth—maybe every day. They tell you all about their life, hopes, and dreams. They might even say they’re falling for you.

It feels exciting. It’s supposed to.

3. They never meet you in person

They say they’re traveling, working overseas, or in the military. There’s always a reason they can’t meet or even video call. You’ll get pictures, and maybe sometimes chat on the phone, but the majority of conversation is done through messages.

4. Then comes the emergency

After a few weeks (or sometimes months), something goes wrong. They say there’s been an accident. Or they’re stuck in another country. Or a child is sick.

They need help. And they ask you to send money.

Real Example: What Happened to Nancy

Nancy is 68 and lives in Colorado. She met a man named “James” on Facebook. He said he was working overseas and wanted to settle down. He called her “his angel” and told her she made him feel young again.

After two months of chatting every day, James told Nancy he had an emergency. He was in trouble and needed $2,000 to pay a hospital bill. Nancy was worried and sent the money.

Then came more requests—for travel, for paperwork, for more “emergencies.” By the time her daughter found out, Nancy had sent over $10,000.

Nancy’s daughter dug deeper, including looking to the city where “James” lived and the company he worked for, all while trying to stop Nancy from sending more money.

James wasn’t real. His photos were stolen from someone else online.

How to Spot a Romance Scam

Here are some red flags to watch out for:

• They say they love you too soon
  They say things like “I’ve never felt this way before” or “I want to spend my life with you”—after only a few days or weeks. As amazing as this feels, this is usually a red flag.

• They can’t meet in person
  They always have an excuse. Maybe they’re working overseas or stuck in another country. Rescheduling once or twice happens, but if the person is never able to meet face to face, that’s another red flag.

• They ask for money
  It might be for a medical bill, a plane ticket, or a family emergency. No matter the reason, it’s always urgent. And isn’t something you can verify.

• They want gift cards or wire transfers
  They may ask you to send money in ways that are hard to trace—like Western Union, PayPal, or even gift cards from stores.

• They try to keep it a secret
  They may say things like, “Don’t tell anyone—I’m embarrassed,” or “Your family won’t understand.”

What to Do If You’re Not Sure

If you’re talking to someone online and something doesn’t feel right, here’s what you can do:

Take your time

Scammers try to rush you. They want you to act quickly before you have time to think. Slow down. Real love never has a deadline.

Talk to someone you trust

Share what’s happening with a family member, friend, or someone at your senior center. Sometimes it helps to get a second opinion.

Check their photos

You can do a reverse image search on Google to see if their pictures are stolen. Often, scammers use photos of real people they found online.

You Deserve Real Love and Real Respect

It’s not silly to want friendship or love. And it’s not your fault if someone tries to take advantage of that.

Scammers are clever, and they know how to pull on your heartstrings. But with the right knowledge and support, you can outsmart them.

You’re not alone. If something feels off, it’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to say “no.” And it’s always okay to protect yourself.