Is Your Loved One in a Romance Scam? A Gentle Guide to Helping Them
Discovering that a parent or close friend might be involved in an online romance scam can be both alarming and heartbreaking.
You might notice unusual behaviors: secretive conversations, sudden financial troubles, or a new "friend" who seems too good to be true. It's natural to feel concerned, and of course you don’t want to “pop” their bubble or harm your own relationship by telling them it’s all a big scam.
It's essential to approach the potential situation with empathy and understanding.
Understanding Romance Scams
Romance scams involve individuals who create fake online identities to establish relationships with unsuspecting victims. You can find more about romance scams here. They often target older adults on platforms like Facebook, dating sites, or even online games. Once trust is built, they fabricate emergencies—like medical issues or travel problems—and request money. These scams can be emotionally and financially devastating.
Signs Your Loved One Might Be Involved
Rapid Relationship Progression: They quickly form a deep connection with someone they've never met in person.
Avoidance of In-Person Meetings: The online friend always has excuses to avoid video calls or face-to-face meetings.
Financial Requests: They've been asked to send money for emergencies, often through wire transfers or gift cards, for some sort of once-in-a-lifetime problem (like an emergency room bill, a visa, or lost plane ticket).
Secrecy: They become defensive or secretive when discussing their online relationship.
Approaching the Conversation
Choose the Right Moment: Find a quiet, comfortable setting where you can talk without interruptions.
Express Concern, Not Judgment: Use "I" statements like, "I've noticed you've been upset lately, and I'm worried about you."
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage them to share by asking, "Can you tell me more about your new friend?" Or “Your new boyfriend Rick sounds wonderful, can you tell me more about him?”
Listen Actively: Let them speak without interrupting, showing empathy and understanding.
Helping Them Recognize the Scam
Provide Information: Share articles or resources about romance scams to help them see similarities.
Suggest Verification: Encourage them to do a reverse image search of their online friend's photos to check for duplicates.
Discuss Common Tactics: Explain how scammers often avoid video calls and create emergencies to request money.
Taking Action Together
Cease Communication: Advise them to stop all contact with the suspected scammer.
Report the Scam: Help them report the incident to the Federal Trade Commission at reportfraud.ftc.gov.
Protect Personal Information: If they've shared sensitive details, consider placing fraud alerts or credit freezes with credit bureaus.
Seek Support: Encourage them to talk to a counselor or join a support group for scam victims.
Offering Ongoing Support
Recovering from a romance scam can be emotionally taxing. Be patient and offer continuous support. Remind them that they're not alone and that many others have faced similar situations. Your understanding and compassion can make a significant difference in their healing process.